hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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