If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
