my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
