this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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