Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Couch. On fire.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
