I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize