Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
