My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
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I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
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It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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