Pappa wants mamma naked
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
