I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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