i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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