I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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