I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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