There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
