i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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