I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
