thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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