I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
