Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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