I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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