At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
