I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom said you looked used
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize