Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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