Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
cat food counts as protein by the way
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
