I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
