And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's never too late to be topless.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
