i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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