I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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