Apparently you make a good broom.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
