the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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