Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
