Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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