He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
