Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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