All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
