i need an iv and a liver transplant
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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