I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
