i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
