I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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