I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
zippers are such a cool invention
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
