im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
