I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
