his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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