Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
