weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my sisters under your porch take her home
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
