Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
