Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
