I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
