I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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