did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
