I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
