____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
