Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize