so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
