im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
