am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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