Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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