dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I cut my penus on the lid.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
