Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
