I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
