Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
