hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
