i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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