like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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