Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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