Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
