I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
