I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
