There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
