So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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