Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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