Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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