I got chris browned last night
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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