if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
