Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize