Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
