i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
