Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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