I think I am morally bankrupt
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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