You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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